Nugget for the day: Test the waters

Sometimes we have an inclination to jump all in. This can be in any and every area of our lives from business to personal. Even though at times it may be good to jump all in before testing the waters, there are occasions when we can make a lifetime mistake doing this. Some waters should be tested before jumping in!

Food For Thought

“It is good not just to look at where you may buck your toe, but also where you will land!”    

 

Growing up too fast

The world certainly is not waiting for our children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, cousins, God children etc. to grow up. It discloses and impresses upon them it’s thoughts, perceptions and ideologies regarding morality. When our children turn on the television… when listening to the radio…when riding public transportation… at their schools and when conversations are going on around them… they are fully exposed to it all. I’m sure you remember at one time being that kid in the room who heard something you shouldn’t have; or being ordered out of the room when adult conversations started.

As adults, remodels etc. We should do our ultimate best to instil principals, values, morals and beliefs into our children according to the right way of living.

One might ask what is the right way of living? Let me ask you some questions:

What age is the right age to allow your daughter to wear make up?

When is it a good time to allow a child to talk back to or yell at an adult or parent?

When is it a good time for other adults to correct our children? Or can’t they?

I’m sure you are telling your daughters to wait until marriage to have sex; are you teaching your sons the same thing?  Or is there a double standard?

How should he treat his significant other?

What should be a curfew for a fifteen year old?

I think you get the gist of what is the right way of living.  It all starts with proper parenting.

For a few moments let me talk to the parents who vowed that you would never raise your kids the way your parents raised you. It is wonderful to have a desire and goal to be better parents. However the secret to being successful in this area is to have balance. Do not throw ALL caution to the wind. I am sure that not every lesson you were taught was bad, nor was the method to teach you such lessons, all wrong. Be fair, be firm but most of all be balanced in your approach or decision.

EXAMPLE OF BEING IMBALANCED

E.g. Hypothetically speaking, you were the kid who was told habitually to be quiet. You were not allowed in most instances to be heard; to voice your thoughts or opinions. You vowed… “When I have children I will not silence them. I will allow them to share their thoughts and opinions.” Okay…good.  You are all grown up now with your beautiful daughter Amber who is now 9 years old. You made good on your word; you allowed her to share her every thought when ever she needed to. Your best friend Susan comes over to visit you, in the middle of your conversation your daughter is chiming in and either repeating what you’re saying or adding her contribution to the conversation. WRONG!!!!! TOTALLY imbalanced, which causes embracement.

The same mistake your parent/s made you not only made, but, you made  bigger oneS. Your parent/s shut you up instead of teaching you that there is a place and time that children should speak and be heard. You made it worse because not only did you not teach your kids this but, you also allowed them to be disrespectful to you/adults by speaking out of turn and not establishing the proper way to get your attention/attention of others if the need arose in the middle of a conversation. Two little words “Excuse me”. You have  made an even worst mistake than your parent/s  if you allow your children to back talk you. Because when they are allowed to do one of or all of the aforementioned, it gives them the authority or audacity to think that they are GROWN; on the same level as you/adults!

This is the imbalance that the world is suffering from at present. There used to be a more sacred and honourable system in place in every arena of life whether at home, school, on television or radio where the lines where drawn when it came to adult hood verses childhood. I can’t remember seeing a whole lot of public display of affection and if it were so, whether true or not, it was explained to me that both parties were married.  I was also told I should wait until marriage to express my love for another in that way. I can’t remember commercials being so explicit as a kid. There was a respect for the possibility of a child being in the room… Now anyone can say anything anywhere at anytime in any form without restraint and that is so wronggggggg on soooooo many levels. There is now no protection nor boundaries as it pertains to the difference of the process of GROWING up verses being grown. All was taken away when society was allowed you be “more and morally liberal in the way it chose to”… society is nothing more than collective homes and in each home are nothing more than an adult/s and children. The place where a moral or immoral system is being implemented and then taken to the world. So you see …society is now a reflection of who we have become behind closed doors. It reflects what we kept as a value system and all of the things we threw away from that system!

Lets talk about the other parents… the ones who are balanced and are training up your child/children with the right morals. Lets talk about the parents who didn’t do most things correctly but have had an awakening. You have come to the realization in your observation that the elements around your kids seem to be weakening their resolve, or winning the battle of going through the process of becoming a grown up verses  growing up too fast/being grown. You face the fact that you can’t live totally boxed in; no matter how you try every social ill of society is right up in their faces everyday. You are watching them sadly about to, not only make mistakes that you and or others have made, but bigger ones and more quickly… before they have had a chance to “start living”.

Your question maybe what do I say to my young children or child who insist adamantly on doing it “their way”?

Good question. What could you say to give them a clear picture of what you know and how you feel?

I don’t have kids but I had a very emotional yet real and beautiful experience with my niece and it totally blew me away; which was my inspiration for writing this article.

Because I love her like she’s my own daughter. I pondered some important questions:

1. How do I protect her from the social profane lewdness, the world’s messed up views and corrupt morals?  I can’t
2. What can I do?  I can equip her and encourage her to have strength beyond measure.

Being moved by this topic so much so I felt compelled to have a discussion with her; knowing that this was the only way that my voice can become louder than the other voices around her.

One day I saw the perfect opportunity. While driving I looked over at her. Paused and I said, “I am oh so proud of who you are and what kind of personality you have. I can see you are growing up fast but you still have a little more growing up to do.  There is still more time to be a kid. Its like this, when you reach the 18 you are considered to be an adult. So let me ask you something… How long would you like to live for? She chuckled and answered, “until I’m an old lady… I don’t know… maybe 80 or 90”. Imagine that; 80 or 90. I smiled at her. Well you only have 18 years to be a child but the rest of your life to be an adult. Being an adult is not as easy as it looks. It is hard and you have so much responsibilities. There are major decisions, bills, work etc. When you are a kid you get to enjoy life and let the adult have all the worry. Please continue to do well in school and become a smart lady ok? Be a kid as long as you can.”  Silence filled the vehicle for a brief moment. I continued driving. I kept glancing at her wondering what was going on in her head. Then she looked at me with her big bright full eyes and smiled.  Aunty Kell… yes Nae … I’m going to be a kid for as long as I can. I couldn’t contain myself. The tears began trickling down my face. I said I love you. She said I love you too!

In that moment I could not be more proud of her!

I cried because I know how cruel life can be. I know how cruel humans can be to each other for no other reason other than the fact of evil being the soul intent and purpose of their heart. Lastly I cried because I knew that if I continue to be a positive example for and to her, that I can equip her for life. And even though I will not have the ability to stop her rainy days from coming,  at least I would have empowered her to be able to withstand the downpour.

Food for Thought

What quality of life do you want your kids and loved ones to have? If you are not contributing to their life, then who is? If they are not hearing your voice then whose voice are they hearing?